From Blame to Empowerment

Ever feel like no matter how hard you try, life just won’t cut you a break?

You show up. You try your best. But somehow, things keep falling apart—and blaming something (or someone) starts to feel… reasonable.

Maybe it’s your boss. The market. Your parents. Your past. Even Mercury in retrograde.

But what if the shift you’re seeking isn’t out there at all?

Before you roll your eyes—this isn’t about blaming yourself. It’s about uncovering the blind spots that keep us stuck… and learning to take our power back.

In this blog, you'll learn:

1. 🧐 Four Reasons Why we Tend to Blame Others
2. 💡 The Benefit and Payoffs of Blame or Victimhood
3. 👀 Secondary Gains We Get from Blaming Others
4. ☄️ The Drawbacks to a Blame/Victimhood Mentality
5. ✨ Diane’s Story: a real-life example illustrating the Impact of Blame and Victimhood
6. 🌸 Tips to Overcome Blame and Victimhood

Blame doesn’t just show up in our personal lives—it’s baked into our culture.

A recent report from the Dublin Rape Crisis Centre showed that most survivors of sexual violence don’t report it, largely because they fear being blamed. 

And sadly, they’re right to worry—many still question what the victim was wearing, how much they drank, or if they were “asking for it.” (Rude!)

This is why shifting from blame to empowerment matters—not just for ourselves, but for how we show up in the world.

4 Reasons Why We Tend to Blame:

• Defense Mechanism

When our nervous system perceives a threat, we instinctively deflect blame to protect ourselves. For instance, individuals from backgrounds lacking secure attachment might blame others to avoid feelings of danger or shame. For example:

• If you break a dish, you might blame your child or the cleaning person
• If you made a mistake at work, you're like, “I didn't do it.” 
• If a family member or your lover is mad at you, you say, “I didn't know you wanted that.”

Have you experienced this form of self-protection?

• Protecting Image

In an attempt to preserve our self-image, we may shift blame onto others, especially if we fear criticism or seek external validation. This is common in professional settings, where folks may deflect responsibility to avoid negative perceptions. (Clients often report frustration that their boss threw them under the bus).

For example:

• In a corporate role, people pass the buck like, “Well, I'm late on my deadline because Mary didn't give me my whatever in time,” versus, “I realized I didn't stress to Mary how important that was.”

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you've deflected responsibility to protect your image?

• Procrastination Technique

Blame serves as a convenient excuse to delay action. Whether it's avoiding a challenging task or confronting personal issues, blaming external factors provides temporary relief from taking responsibility. We think about things like: 

• “I can't do this because of that.” 
• “I can't start a diet because the kids need snacks in the house.” 
• “I can't break up with my partner because he'll be devastated,” or, “I don't like the idea of being single.” 
• “I can't start that book because I'm too busy.”

Can you recall a time when you used blame as a procrastination tactic?

• Fear of Vulnerability

Many of us fear facing our emotions or admitting mistakes, equating vulnerability with weakness. Showing humanness can bring up shame and insecurities, so deflecting is one way  to avoid confronting our own shortcomings.

Has fear of vulnerability ever led you to blame others unfairly?

The Benefits and Payoffs of Blame or Victimhood:

1. Relaxing Responsibility: Blaming external factors can sometimes feel like a breath of fresh air. It's like saying, "Hey, it's not my fault, so I can just kick back and relax." But remember, thriving means taking charge regardless of external circumstances, even when the world seems chaotic.
2. Shifting Blame: When something goes wrong, it's easy to point fingers at others—our boss, colleagues, or even the person at the grocery store. But by doing this, we relinquish control over our own reactions and emotions. It's essential to acknowledge how others' actions affect us while maintaining compassion and understanding.
3. Avoiding Personal Growth: Forgiveness is hard, no doubt about it. But holding grudges can sometimes feel easier than facing our own shortcomings. However, forgiveness isn't about absolving others; it's about releasing ourselves from the burden of resentment and moving forward with clarity and purpose.
4. Seeking Sympathy: Sharing our woes with others often earns us sympathy and compassion. We might even find temporary relief in being heard and understood. But remember, true healing comes from within, not from years of seeking external validation.
5. Justifying Jealousy: It's natural to feel envious of others' success, especially when life seems unfair. But dwelling on injustices only hinders our own progress. Instead, let's focus on our unique journey, and feel honored that we get to be our extraordinary self! 
6. Embracing Procrastination: Procrastination can sometimes feel like a shield against failure or judgment. But deep down, it's often rooted in fear—the fear of pursuing our goals and facing potential setbacks. Overcoming this fear is the first step toward growth and achievement. (This can also be from health reasons and untreated neurological issues.)
7. Living in the Past: Holding onto past grievances can feel comforting in a strange way. It gives us a sense of identity and purpose, even if it's based on pain. But true freedom lies in letting go of the past and embracing the present moment with openness and courage. (You can’t think your way out of your past, but this deep dive program can catapult your healing.) 
8. Avoiding Accountability: Blaming others or external circumstances may temporarily give us a free pass from being an adult in our own life, but it also robs us of our power to effect change. Taking ownership empowers us to shape our own destiny, and rightfully places us back in our leadership position.
9. Staying in the Comfort Zone: Our comfort zone is that stagnant predicable routine that gives us that perceived sense of security—a refuge from the uncertainties of life. But growth and fulfillment lie outside our life trance. Deciding we can tolerate discomfort is the first step toward unlocking our full potential.
10. Fearing Self-Reflection: After a lifetime of being blamed, looking inward and confronting fears and insecurities may feel like too much to bear. But true self-awareness and personal growth require courage—the courage to face that we aren’t so bad after all. 

Sometimes the way we cope is so sneaky and sophisticated, it’s hard to realize we’ve slipped into this pattern.

Secondary gains we get from blaming others: 

1. We feel like we have the moral high ground - "I can't believe they did that!"
2. We believe our unhappiness is because of someone else, which allows our nervous system to relax - "Whew, it's not my responsibility!" 
3. Feeling sorry for ourselves is an unconscious way of showing self-compassion if we had harsh inner critics growing up. 
4. We don't have to examine our own behavior or take real action to improve things, which can lead to a stale, stagnant life.

Drawbacks to a Blame/Victimhood Mentality: 

1. We become helpless and not the boss of our lives. 
2. By blaming, we accidentally become snobs, and people around us never feel like they can measure up. 
3. Resentment and anger breed in relationships, and contempt is around the corner when we’re in blame and victimhood. 
4. We separate ourselves from collective responsibility, so when people/the government/coworkers get it wrong, we cross our arms expecting others to fix it. 

Listen, if you fall into the human category, then you’ve tried some of these coping styles. Please don’t fall into a “shame spiral.” Think of this as a gentle “nudge” to remember your power.  

The Blame Game: Diane’s Story

Let me tell you about a woman named Diane whom I met when I was in my 20s. Diane was super nice - she still is to this day. A very generous soul who is always helping others. 

Diane has a distinct speaking pattern. Every sentence she uttered seemed to descend down a staircase, ending on a lower pitch. It was just her way of talking, a downward inflection. 

It probably didn't even start that high to begin with. "Yeah, that happened to me. They did this to me." That was how she'd recount everything in her life, using many of the 10 examples from that list we discussed - always feeling wronged by people.

Diane had the most seniority at her job, but her boss still made her work weekends. She felt completely defeated by it. There was this resigned energy about her, a "Why do people treat me this way?" kind of vibe. All of us around her, myself included, would rally to her defense. We'd feel indignant on her behalf and get angry at how she was treated. 

Back then, I remember telling her, "You should set boundaries! Quit your job and just say no!" But after a while, I noticed that whenever we all rushed in to sympathize with whatever she was feeling, she'd just seem relaxed, like she had gotten it off her chest. Then she'd go back to her usual routine. 

Diane had a personality where she didn't seem particularly curious or interested in change, for whatever reason. Everyone is wired differently after all. That inner exploration just wasn't her thing. 

And now, many years later, I still see the same kinds of posts from her on social media, all about the bad things that keep happening to her. I've noticed she's also posted about having an autoimmune disease. When we don't look inward to understand these patterns of negativity, the body begins to feel all that stress.

Tips to Overcome Blame and Victimhood:

1. Recognize the defense mechanisms at play and understand how they manifest in your life.
2. Challenge the belief that blaming others preserves your self-image
3. Identify procrastination behaviors linked to blame and address them with proactive steps.
4. Embrace vulnerability as a path to personal growth and resilience.
5. Practice forgiveness as a means to release resentment and foster inner peace.
6. Cultivate a mindset of gratitude and focus on your unique journey rather than comparing yourself to others.
7. Set realistic goals and take small steps outside your comfort zone to overcome procrastination.
8. Practice mindfulness to let go of past grievances and live in the present moment.
9. Hold yourself accountable for your actions and decisions, acknowledging that you have the power to effect change.
10. Embrace discomfort as a catalyst for growth and view challenges as opportunities for learning and self-discovery.

Would you like to shift From Blame to Empowerment? The information above is from a class inside the Mastery section of the Invoke and Release® Healing Circle. 

But if you really want to unpack many of these qualities, from releasing grudges, to an abundance mindset, and releasing the pain of your past, The Invoke and Release® Healing Circle library has many resources to guide you through your process.  

You will learn about the healing method Invoke and Release®, a powerful tool that helps you release emotional trauma so you can feel free to live the life you want.

The Invoke and Release® Healing Modality helps you:

• Lower stress levels so you can achieve what you want in life
• Improve your sleep so you get more done in less time
• Remove energy blocks to restore your inner peace and allow for more flow
• Support your immune system so you can keep up with your kids
• Raise your energetic vibration so you can have more joy in your life and create exciting opportunities

Joining the Invoke and Release® Healing Circle provides these benefits:

• Removing emotional pain and grudges to create more intimacy and connection with yourself, your partner, family, and friends
• Enables you to attract happier and healthier people into your life
• Amplify your ability to manifest anything and create the life you desire

If you feel called to shift From Blame to Empowerment, I encourage exploring the Invoke and Release® Healing Circle. With an open mind and heart, you can access profound inner resources to anchor and illuminate your journey.

Important Links: 

Deep dive healing program: Reveal and Heal Obstacles to Your Success

What is Invoke and Release®?

Invoke and Release® Healing Circle

Invoke and Release® website

Helpful blogs:

Want to catch up on the full “Reveal and Heal Obstacles to Your Success™” blog series?  Catch up below:

Why is Healing Trauma Important

Your Body as Your Healing Ally

Seeing through the Seduction of Negative Thinking

Why Forgiving Yourself Helps You Make Peace with Your Past

Easy Tips to Release Procrastination and Self-Sabotage  

Recommended Book: 

The Art of Happiness by 14th Dalai Lama and Howard C. Cutler